Faith like a Child

Something odd but interesting happened to me on this fine Sunday afternoon. After church I went to my favorite “me” place, Starbucks, to take some time to get organized for my next semester of classes that starts tomorrow.

As I was sitting there minding my business I continuously kept looking at my phone. I was waiting, waiting, waiting. Specifically waiting for one person to read my messages and finally respond to me.

I knew things were over between me and the guy, and they needed to be, but we were friends before we started dating. And he had even said on the day that we broke up (not even a week ago by the way) that we could still be “best friends.” I use the quotation marks because those were his exact words.

Although despite the concept of being “best friends,” he was not treating me like a best friend should be treated. This doesn’t say much because he didn’t really treat me like a girlfriend deserved to be treated either (hence why the relationship needed to end), but that’s another story, for another time… or maybe not.

About a week ago, Monday December 31, 2018 at 7 am my Fit Bit’s vibrations shot anxiety through my veins like no other, waking me up in a panic. It was him. He was finally calling me, as he had promised he would days ago. I was nervous because I knew this was most likely the last time he would be calling me for a while… because this was it. This was the end, whether I wanted to believe it or not.

In fact, this had to be it. Because it was the last day of 2018 and I needed to make sure I could do the whole “New Year, New Me,” thing on the first day of 2019. How could I do that with an unhealthy relationship hunkering me down?

I answered my phone and just cut to the chase. We both had a mutual agreement that it needed to end, but that we could still be friends. Although, I was still pretty angry with him because I’m not sure he completely understood why I needed to break up with him. I mean, he bluntly admitted that he knew I wasn’t happy and could find someone else, but deep down, I knew he had no idea the amount of pain that he had caused me throughout most of 2018.

I hung up the phone and went back to sleep, waking up later feeling a bit anxious, but a bit lighter. The only problem was that now a huge part of my life had changed. No, not changed. This was my new normal. And whether I liked it or not, I needed to get used to it.

I powered through the week still trying to communicate with him. He blocked me once and continued to just read my messages (or delete them without reading them) and never respond. This hurt even more.

We had big dreams together to get married and live as powerful social workers. Yet somehow, someway, he was able to throw me away like an old, used pair of shoes- used and unworthy. At least this is how I felt.

Finally, I got sick of it. He told me throughout the week that he would call, but he never did. So, I tried calling him. Each time he rejected the call. By the third try, he blocked me. He told me he would too. This is where the story continues…

I was sitting in Starbucks on this Sunday afternoon chugging away at my work, and a skinny cinnamon dolce latte, when I noticed he had, yet again, ignored my messages. I can tell because like Facebook Messenger, with this app you can see when people have come online.

Fed up, but knowing what was coming to me, I tried calling him. Of course, the call was rejected, and about three seconds later I received a message, “Goodbye,” and just like that his little icon picture disappeared and I was blocked.

As tears filled up my eyes I gathered my belongings and rushed out to my car. I could not let myself break down in the middle of Starbucks. Once I got to my car, I tried calling him on his regular number, rather than the app. His phone was switched off.

I checked Instagram and messaged him, asking him to unblock me and call me. By this moment, I had completely lost it. I was upset, angry, confused and so much more.

So I went home and sobbed on my bed with the comfort of my mother and my sister’s cat. But on my way home, I saw something very unusual.

Between gasping for air, screams, and sobs, I was able to maintain my concentration

tenor
If you don’t know what the “floss” is, check out this video of this grandma rockin’ it!

driving. And I was able to do this enough to see three school-aged boys standing at the end of a neighborhood road dancing. One kid was doing the floss.

I made eye-contact with one of them. I’m pretty sure they saw me upset and crying because when I looked in my review mirror they all ran together in complete disbelief– probably that they saw a grown woman crying while driving.

Through the midst of my pain and suffering I was able to let out a little chuckle and remember my days of young walking around town and doing similar things.

Oh the youth and the crazy things they do, am I right?

Well, here’s how their little act of fun impacted me positively today. After I spent some time sobbing and relaxing in a steaming hot shower, I grabbed my bag and headed back to Starbucks. I needed to keep myself occupied and I needed to get my work done!

I drove by the same place where I saw the kiddos getting boogey with it and I was reminded of a Bible verse.

“And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.'” Matthew 18.3. Here we see Jesus stating that to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven, we have to change like little children

We have all probably heard the phrase “faith like a child,” too. I was quickly reminded of this.  These children had faith.

They had faith that they would not get hit by a car.

They had faith that they would make someone laugh.

I want that. I want that faith. Not faith that God would restore this relationship, I mean yes, I hope he does unblock me so we can be friends, but in due time things will happen the way they need to for both of us to move on and heal.

Not faith that I would be miraculously healed from the pain, although that would be nice… But that is not necessarily Biblical. We can see examples of suffering throughout scripture, such as, Job, Paul, and the greatest example of all is Jesus.

Peter also tells us: In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” (1 Peter 1.6-7)

That’s kind of a beautiful scripture isn’t it? That we are being refined and have greater worth than gold. Woah man. That’s pretty neat if you ask me.

The faith that I want like these little guys dancing on the road is that God would protect my heart and keep me emotionally safe through this trial. I understand that my emotions are already somewhat bruised and on the line, but that’s nothing Jesus can’t heal. 

9780718084646As Lysa TerKeurst states in her novel Uninvited, I want the faith that through the mess of this there will be a miracle– it may not be healing right away, but something will come of this.

Lastly, I want the faith that will give me strength to rejoice in my suffering (James 1.2-3; 1 Peter 1.6-7). Faith that will allow me to turn my mourning into dancing (Psalm 30.11). Faith to remind me that God is in control and He still has a plan for me (Jeremiah 29.11).

Through all of this pain and messy relationship situation, I just want faith like a child.

And through that faith, I will receive healing.

He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5.34

 

Accepting Solitude, Declining Loneliness

It has come to my attention these past few days that within the next few weeks here in India I am going to be forced into a season of loneliness. Those of you who know me, you know this is super difficult for me.

I am an extreme extrovert. I LOVE being around people. I thrive from positive interactions with other human beings. It could even be a total stranger and I’ll leave the conversation feeling more energized and re-focused on the purpose for my life. Almost like a breath of fresh air.

Today it hit me the hardest. I was still in bed when I got the text from one of my best friends asking if I wanted to join for lunch at a place literally 10 steps from my front gate. I called up my boyfriend and we met her there with a bunch of other friends.

Wow. Is all I can say. I had so much fun just sitting there talking for a bit, even with another dude I just met. After, my boyfriend and best friend came over to help me with a video project for a class I am in.

After laughing our hearts out because it was just too hard to try to stay concentrated, we finally finished the video. My friend left and my boyfriend decided to finish a movie he was watching on my phone.

So, I did what anyone else would do. I napped. When the movie was over, my boyfriend had to leave immediately to go home. As he was leaving, he told me he couldn’t come back until probably next Monday.

That’s four days from now. YES, I can handle being away from him for that long. BUT, I basically broke down crying because I just knew that all my other friends would be busy between now and then also- thus I would be stranded in my little dorm/apartment style room. All. By. Myself.

After he left I texted some friends and asked if they had dinner plans. YEP. Everyone had plans. Cool. I thought. I hope they have fun. Looks like it’ll just be me and trusty Netflix tonight… at least I can try to finish my Netflix series sooner than I thought… those are good goals right?

After one episode my stomach was growling its way into another dimension. I didn’t want my leftover hillbilly vegetable pasta (derived from my mom’s hillbilly hamburger helper), so I packed my bag with my tablet and my wallet and I hit the road for Café Society– my usual when there is no one else to grab dinner with.

I sat there reading through some other WordPress blog posts and then it hit me. I can use this time of being alone as solitude, not a time of loneliness. I mean c’mon. Though, my cheesy boyfriend would say “But you’re not alone, God is always with you.”

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe God is doing this to me intentionally so that I will learn how to be alone– and learn to practice solitude. There are so many things I can do in this time that I wouldn’t be able to do if I were with people.

For example, I can focus more on my blog, or finishing the last few weeks of this semester. I can work on reading the two other novels I brought with me. I can focus on praying for the salvation of my friends and family. I can relax and watch Netflix or play Sims (okay you caught me, I’ve already been doing that).

These times of being alone don’t have to be a time of loneliness. They can be a prosperous, productive time of solitude leading to growth and independence. You may even gain guidance on what the next step of your life is (at least that is one thing I am hoping for).

Our dearest Apostle Paul reminds us to “make the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5.16).

So friends, join me in making the most of the lonely time and accepting the growth that can take place in solitude.

*I also have to give a shout-out to my boyfriend because I used a photo he took as the featured image!*

Yours is the Victory

Do you ever do something where you aren’t really sure if you have the confidence to do it, but then when you actually do do it you are so darn proud of yourself? Not like a bragging kind of proud, but like a wow, I actually did it! kind of proud?

I mean, I’m talking that feeling were you are crazy nervous and anxious to do this one thing that you don’t even realize you are doing it. THAT kind of proud. The kind where you’re like woah.. did I seriously just do that?

Right now, I am sitting in Café Coffee Day (shocker that I’m in a coffee shop right?) with the leftover nerves and anxiety streaming through my veins. Or maybe that’s the chocolate ice cream and coffee I had for lunch about 30 minutes ago…

ANYWAYS. The point is, I did it. I accomplished a fear! I took a chance and stepped out of my comfort zone! You’re probably so excited for me right now… don’t you want to know what I did?? Okay… you talked me into it, I’ll tell you!

As you know from my previous posts, I am living in India right now. I was here before, but when I was here before I was scared to even walk to the grocery store alone. I don’t really know why. Maybe I was afraid I would get hit on, or just hit in general in attempts to cross the street in this crazy traffic.

But this time, I’m not as scared. I feel confident in walking to the grocery store, and even crossing the street. I think that it’s because of one thing and one thing only… OLA. Ola is like the cheap Uber of India (although they still have Uber). It’s just a simple app where no matter where I am, basically, I can get an auto or car ride for a decent price. WOW. Can you say life changer?

BUT here’s the thing folks. Ola is great, but not everyone uses it. In fact, while it is cheap to Indians even that can be pricey. Why would you take an Ola auto when you can take a Share auto for only 20 RS, or the bus for 15 RS.

This is the dilemma I am in. I have enough money to stay here for the rest of the time I have planned, if and only if, I live the Indian way. This means, it’s okay to walk or take the bus. That’s the problem. I don’t have the confidence to take the bus on my own… or at least didn’t.

I woke up on this humid and hazy Sunday morning at about 10:30AM. I’m a bad girl and didn’t go to church. Actual, I have a valid reason for that. I’ve been very sick and coughing up a storm, so I didn’t want to go to church and disturb the sermon every three seconds because I needed to clear my throat. I also thought it would be good for my body to catch up on some zzz’s.

So I woke up, took my cold shower, and went to lunch with another American bloke image_123986672that’s here. We went to one veg restaurant with a hankering for a Masala Dosa, but they weren’t serving them at the time. Naturally, we left and went to another veg restaurant, a little further away, to get our dosas. Only to find out this place didn’t serve dosas until after 4pm… hence the chocolate ice cream and coffee for lunch.

After we finished the food that we did end up getting we walked back to the main gate of the college. Across the street from the main gate is a bus stand and a share auto stand. My plan for the rest of the day was to get a share auto to Café Coffee Day and spend the day slaving over my computer and textbooks with a hot cup of Joe (yes, another cup of coffee).

I asked one Share auto if he was stopping in Sembekem, the place where Café Coffee Day was. He did the weird head bobble thing that I recognized as a big fat “no”. I started walking through the bus stand to get to the auto stand. Then, another auto drove up next to me, clearly seeing that I was just rejected, and asked where I was headed. I told him the location and he just laughed in my face and drove away.

COOL. I thought to myself. We continued to walk through the bus stand and there was a bus that said 95 on it waiting to take off. Without hesitation I walked to the front of the bus and through the window I asked the driver if the bus was stopping in Sembekem. He did the head bobble thing that I took to mean “yes”.

I was like see ya later Gary, I’m hopping on this bus and going to Coffee Day! So I did. I sat down and waited for the bus to leave and my mind was like what am I doing??!?!?!? I don’t even remember what the Sembekem stop looks like! I’m going to miss it and embarrass myself. I DO NOT have the confidence for this!!

When the conductor (is that what they are called? Or is that just for trains?) came and I paid, again without thinning I said, “Sir, can you tell me when we stop at Sembekem?” He rambled something in Tamil and I was like thanks man.

Sure enough, he mentioned to me when Sembekem was next. I even started to get off the bus before the bus was fully stopped! Okay cool, so I took the bus. No biggie right? Except for the fact that now I had to cross the street!

I took a deep breath, pulled up my big girl pants and just walked into the road. I waited for these slow as all get out bikes to pass and made my run for it. There were two bikes waiting at the median to turn, so I waited with them and as soon as there was an opening in the traffic I skedaddled my little legs as fast as I could across the street!

As I finished the short walk to Café Coffee Day it was like I had two little Jenny’s sitting on each shoulder. One was like who do you think you are young lady? You could have died! You could have gotten on the wrong bus! And the other was like I am Jenny Freaking Bushnell and I just conquered the only fear I have in India. I am victorious. And then a bike drove through a puddle next to me getting my feet soggy. (insert face palm emoji here –>).

Anyways, I know that was a long story for such a small punchline, but c’mon folks! If we don’t conquer our fears with confidence and poise, aren’t we letting the devil get the best of us? I could have very easily just taken and Ola auto back to my little place and end up losing my motivation to blog, or do any type of work, and just binge watch “The Good Wife” for the rest of the day.

But I didn’t! Because instead I said not today dear Satan. I walk with the blood of Christ covering me and I am victorious because of it! What is holding you back from conquering your little fears? Are you afraid to admit that you even have a little fear like I did? It’s OKAY! Just let it out and then stomp it out! You got this! Start living your best life today!

 

Broken Candles

One day I was shopping at the good ol’ Phoenix Market City Mall here in Chennai and I found this candle. I wasn’t looking for a candle, but it it just kind of stumbled its way into my path.

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I had seen it before in the store, but it seemed too much to spend on just a candle to burn every now and then. Then, I turned the corner and there was a whole shelf with tons of discounted candles. That’s where I found this little guy. He was a whopping 30 rupees, which equals about 41 cents in U.S. Dollars.

He was marked down because the glass on the bottom of the candle had been chipped and broken. It looked like it had been poorly handled or maybe even dropped on the ground.

Tonight as I winded down from my long Monday and watched this candle burn, the chipped part of the candle made me think of something.

Ya know, we are all a little chipped and a little broken in some way, shape, or form. And we all know what happens to things that are broken. They become of lesser value (like my candle). They get thrown away, or someone tries to fix it with tape. In essence, the item is useless.

BUT, I am here to break the stereotype that broken things are useless. Even though this candle has a few chips on the bottom, its light is still shining and it is still burning bright.

So, when it comes to our own brokenness, we have two options on how to interpret it. We can either:

1. Give in to the stereotype that because we are broken we are useless. 

OR

2. Acknowledge that even in our brokenness our light can still shine. 

Jesus wasn’t kidding when He said, “you are a light unto the world” (Matthew 5.14-15). If I were you, I wouldn’t even give the Devil the time of day in thinking option one.

In reality, we are all just broken candles, flames lit and lighting the world with our faith. Don’t be discouraged if you are feeling broken or useless because of your past- or even your present! Remember that Jesus has come to “heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds” (Psalm 147.3).

My candle may have been mistreated and discounted, and you may have been treated poorly and as if you do not have worth, but in Jesus’ eyes, you are still beautiful and He still desires to use you to let the Gospel spread throughout the nations!

Yes, my friend, that includes you! So go broken candle friend! Let your light shine!

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.

Matthew 5.14-15

The Heart’s Desire

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart”

Psalm 37.4

How many times have you heard this verse in church or Sunday school? This verse is one of the most popular verses referred to when it comes to waiting.

You want to get married? Delight in the Lord and He will give you your desire. You want to have kids? Delight in the Lord…. You want a new car? Delight in the Lord… Any true desire that we have, the response is “delight in the Lord…”

Let me tell you about a time when the Lord put this verse on my heart, but I honestly did not know what the true desire of my heart was.

It was the end of my first year of college. I had just joined this missions group on campus called Ekballo. Shortly after I joined, we had a leadership retreat a few hours from the college at the vice president’s mansion. Now, I have to be honest and tell you that there was a very cute boy that was also going to this leadership retreat.

We were already pretty close friends, but I wanted to get to know him a little more. Ya know, see if there was any potential. So that was one of my missions for the weekend. On one of the days we did a prophecy exercise. All of our names were put into a hat and we drew a name and asked the Lord to give us a word for that person. The catch is that we couldn’t open the paper until after the word the Lord had given was shared.

As soon as I picked the piece of paper from the hat, I knew I had my own name. There was no doubt about it. The Lord said to me, “I am the God of the impossible and I will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37.4).”

My human mind immediately thought that was a promise that things would work out with this cute guy. For so long, I took that literally. I prayed and prayed and prayed that the Lord would send us out to the nations together. Then, we went on a missions trip to Southeast Asia together. I thought that surely the Lord was making this happen.

Things did not go as I had hoped with this guy though. He didn’t have feelings for me and then at some point we tried dating but realized it was just awkward, so not we are just good friends, and at one point, we were best friends.

So, that led me to still ask the Lord “then what is this desire of my heart that you plan on giving me?” As you may know from previous blogs I spent the beginning of 2018 until about April living in India for a study abroad experience. You may also know that I fell in love with that land and the people there.

Before I go any further, I need to share another little snippet of my past. After this guy and I went on this trip the Southeast Asia, we went to a missions conference back in the states. At this conference, they asked those who are willing and desirous to go the nations one day and serve overseas to fill out a commitment card. I knew I still had two more years of school left, so I said, “okay Lord, in two years, I will go and live on foreign soil to spread the Gospel and bring justice.”

Okay, now back the story… After getting home from my time in India, I did what most college graduates do. I got a job and started online classes towards my masters degree. I actually ended up having to get a new car too.

At first, I loved my job and was happy to be home with my family. I enjoyed hanging out with my cousin and best friend every weekend. I started playing tennis and doing all sorts of other exciting things.

Soon, I realized that this happiness was not lasting. It was so hard to be away from the land that I fell in love with. Not a single day went by where I did not think of India. I talked to friends from there everyday.

After a few months of working, I needed to re-evaluate my plans. It’s not that I hated the job, but it was not up my alley in what I wanted to do. The experience was incredible, nonetheless, but I wanted something more. So, I prayed.

I said Lord, I want to go back to India. I began searching for ways I could go. Maybe I could use education as a clutch again. I searched for an online job to keep me financially secure, and I reached out to my contacts in India to find proper housing. I didn’t expect any of it to work out in such an easy way.

Then, all of a sudden, housing fell in place, people wanted to partner financially with me, I had a project lined up for me to do when I got there, the only thing that was not set was the education piece. The school that I go to wanted me to go to a different part of India to complete field placement. They were not satisfied with where I had proposed I did my field education at.

I had a choice to make. Either I moved to a different part of India where I didn’t know anyone or the area, or stayed home. Then, the Lord put a third option on my heart that I didn’t even think would be possible. I could drop down to part time for my masters degree and complete it in two years, instead of just one.

That would mean that the educational piece would be eliminated altogether. After much prayer and surrendering my own plans to the Lord, this is what I decided to do. I felt so much peace about it. Probably because I knew God had a greater plan through all of it.

I texted my professor from my undergraduate college and told her everything was set into place and I was going back in just one month (this was at the end of July). She replied, “the Lord is giving you the desires of your heart!”

At that moment, the past two years of my life in wondering what the Lord meant in what He said to me at that leadership retreat all fell into place. While I do have the desire to be married one day, my biggest desire, and promise I made to the Lord, was that I would live overseas for an extended period of time serving the Lord.

That being said, I quit my well-paying job, hopped on an airplane and moved to India for the next 7 months of my life. As I sit here in my own room that I am renting with the funds the Lord so graciously provided, I am filled with the most joy I have ever felt because I know that I am completely and utterly in the exact place that the Lord wants me.

The Lord has gave me the desires of my heart. Friend, if there is anything that you get out of this post, get this: The Lord is faithful to bring His promises. It takes a little effort on our end. We are called to be obedient, no matter how fearful we are, and to trust that He is in complete control. So, take a step back and delight in the Lord because He wants to give you the desires of your heart too.

Many Waters

Probably over a month ago I stopped at a small park with a little lake on my way home. It was pouring rain and I could just imagine how beautiful the rain look thrashing against the still water. Normally I would go the actual lake (lake Erie), but it was late and I didn’t have time for those shenanigans. My dad used to take my sister and I to the lake all the time to watch storms roll in and reside, that’s where I got this idea from.

I did a very quick drive by and tried to swipe a good picture of the nature scene, but because it was so dark and rainy it did not turn out. But as I sat there for a small moment and watched as the sky saturated this already soaking wet land with its rains, I couldn’t help but just desire the same.

I was reminded of the verse from Song of Solomon. You know, the one that Jesus Culture turned into an incredible worship song? Song of Solomon 8.6-7:

Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for long is strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If man offered for love all the wealth of his house he would be utterly despised.

Let me repeat the very specific portion that I am referring to:

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.

My basic, human, non-Bible or non-theology major interpretation of that is this: you can never have too much love in your life and there is very little that can extinguish love (or satisfy it). In other words, only love will truly satisfy us.

We can thirst and drink as much water as we want, but the only thing that will really satisfy us and bring that “quenched” feeling, is the love of God.

I’m not talking about some mushy-gushy-cheesy-romantic-Jack-gets-Jill-in-the-end kind of love. No. I am talking about the deeply rooted, never-ending, all-consuming love that Christ offers us.

As I watched the rains spill its guts all over that lake, the already wet, filled to the top with water lake, I couldn’t help but imagine that the water was actually God’s love. The lake was a lake of Jesus’ love and the clouds were Jesus showering even more love!

I want that.

We use the term “saturated” to describe things as being soaked that absorb a lot of liquid. That’s want I want. I want to be over-saturated in the love that God has for me. I want to be so caught up and consumed in His love that I don’t even think twice about what is means to delight in Him.

Alabaster Flasks

Okay, I am going to be completely honest. The first time I heard this phrase, I had NO idea what it meant. What in the world is an ‘alabaster’? Well, never free dearest reader! Google definitions has come to the rescue! It is stated that alabaster is “a fine-grained, translucent form of gypsum, typically white, often carved into ornaments.”

Alright, now that we have that all cleared up, please grab your Bible and turn to Matthew 26 (or you can read below, but you can’t underline, highlight, and journal on this like you can in your OWN personal Bible!).

I want to look at one little section in this chapter: Matthew 26.6-13

Now when Jesus was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, a woman came up to him with an alabaster flask of very expensive ointment, and she poured it on his head as he reclined at table.  And when the disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, “Why this waste? For this could have been sold for a large sum and given to the poor.”But Jesus, aware of this, said to them, “Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a beautiful thing to me. For you always have the poor with you, but you will not always have me. In pouring this ointment on my body, she has done it to prepare me for burial.Truly, I say to you, wherever this gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will also be told in memory of her.”

To give this section some context, this little get together is taking place right before the Passover. Jesus decides He wants to visit with some old pals and his faithful servant Mary joins in on this little hoo-rah. She even brings Jesus a little gift. Consider the same passage in John 12.1-8:

Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it. Jesus said, “Leave her alone, so that she may keep it for the day of my burial. For the poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me.”

And Mark 14.3-9:

And while he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he was reclining at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head. There were some who said to themselves indignantly, “Why was the ointment wasted like that? For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor.” And they scolded her.But Jesus said, “Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me.For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you want, you can do good for them. But you will not always have me.She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for burial. And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her.”

They all sound pretty similar don’t they?

So let’s talk about this little gift that Mary, sister of Martha and Lazarus, chooses to give Jesus. It’s an alabaster flask of oil (or nard, whichever is best for you to picture). She takes it and she shatters it at the feet of Jesus and blesses Him. Jesus says “this is a agriculture-blur-close-up-33783beautiful thing she has done for me”. So cool, this lady whose brother was raised from the dead by this Amazing, Miracle working Jesus makes this effort to anoint Jesus. We will talk more about the anointing part in a minute, but first, let’s hit pause on the scene of Mary and Jesus and discuss this alabaster flask…

So, a little bit of cultural history here… in these times, most people stored their expensive oils in these little flasks to protect them. However, if anyone wants to access the oils inside, the best way is to just break the flask. First, the flasks are super breakable as it is. Second, the flasks were sealed very tightly in order to keep the expensive oils from evaporating. This just proves how important and expensive these oils are!

It is also known and reported by many Biblical and theological scholars that these flasks of oils sometimes serve as a woman’s dowry or an inheritance from her father, or husband. They are typically saved for anointing deceased loved ones at funerals.

Okay, back to this scene of Mary and Jesus. Picture it in the moment. Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus lavishing this expensive oil on Him. And of course, these disciples decide to pipe up and show how compassionate they really are in that Mary could have sold the oil and given the money to the poor, not “waste” the oil on Jesus.

WOAH WOAH WOAH there disciples, do you really think she is “wasting” this oil on Jesus?

Obviously, because they made such a big deal over this, this alabaster flask of oil had some meaning to it. Clearly, it was expensive. It must have been a possession of Mary’s that was of great value. In fact, it could have been Mary’s only chance at getting married. It could have been saved for her dear brother’s funeral, but when Jesus performed the healing miracle and raised him from the dead, she didn’t need it anymore. Heck, she could have just been saving it in case she needed the finances from it later in life. But instead, she breaks it open and anoints Jesus with it. She gives up this “inheritance” or this “dowry”. She sacrifices this greatly valued treasure, all to show Jesus how much she truly loved Him. And, let’s be honest here, it showed how much she trusts Him too.

The Greek word for “anoint” is Chrio. It means to consecrate by anointing; especially to present someone as divinely-authorized. This meant that Mary got it. She understood who Jesus was/is. She found Him to be worthy enough of the most valuable thing she owned. Wow. That is just incredible.

And Jesus, He defended her. He loved every minute of it. He saw her true, genuine heart of adoration towards Him. Unlike the disciples, who let’s be honest, didn’t really care for the poor. They just wanted Jesus to be impressed.

What is also very interesting about this scene throughout the Gospels is that normally these oils are used for anointing loved ones at funerals. Well, Jesus, Himself, even states, “she has prepared me for my burial”.

Another crazy thing, a little blessing that Jesus gave her because of her large sacrifice and recognition of the worthiness of Jesus, is that Jesus said that “wherever the Gospel is preached throughout the whole world what she has done will also be told in memory of her”. Wow. Jesus wants the whole world to know of her actions in preparing Him for burial. Personally, I believe that Jesus wanted her to be an example of how we should respond in rendering our hearts to Him, completely.

I mean, this oil in this flask might have been everything to her. It may have been her future, her marriage, etc. But she didn’t care. She recognized that Jesus is so worthy He deserves her very best, even if it meant she would be without financial security or a spouse. Those things were nothing to her compared to what Christ meant to her.

Now here is where it gets personal. Here is where I am just praying that the Holy Spirit will pull a few cords in your own heart. What do you value the most? Is it your career? Your education? Family? Car? Relationship? Dreams, hopes, goals, and desires? What is it that you place so high on your list of importance that when it is messed with you feel like your life is spiraling downward?

Let me give you a personal example. Mine is education. I have always been told to get the college degree to make the big bucks and get a nice job with a rich husband to support my family and be happily ever after. So, I started my college career while I was still a junior in high school. I graduated with my associates degree before I got my high school diploma. Then, I completed a double major bachelors degree in just three years. Now, of course, I am taking the next step of higher education and pursuing a masters degree.

I love learning. I love writing papers. But in a sense, it is my security. It i my excuse to avoid being an “adult” and truly figuring out what I want to do with my life. But you know what? I never really handed this over to the Lord to allow Him to do with it as He pleases. I always planned it out. I always said “okay Lord, I will agree to be a missionary one day, but just after I finish my education”. Yet, the passion and desire to go to the nations burns within me like no other.

Now, is when Jesus is summoning me to sit at the bottom of His throne. He is inviting me to allow Him to have complete control over this area of my life. He is asking me to render my heart in a position of trust and assurance that He will bring my education to be when He desires and it will be good.

Friends, these things that you value the most, are you letting Jesus hold them completely? Are you allowing the Lord to direct your steps? Are you ready to trust Him with this area of your life? What are you willing to “waste” for the Lord?

Take a step forward and shatter the alabaster flask at His feet. Anoint Him in recognizing that He is worthy. He is worthy to have control over it all. He is worth breaking it for! He is worth the sacrifice. Just as Mary gave up this very valuable and expensive oil to worship Jesus, we can give up the things we place at high value and worship Him as well.

Who knows, maybe you’ll be called to drop out of college and go to the nations as a full-time missionary. You will never know until you break that flask for Jesus.

What is your alabaster flask that you are willing to break at Jesus’ feet?