Worthy

I did a thing and went to a small local coffee shop to do my work today. I even dressed a little hipster by tucking my shirt into my shorts and throwing on a button up- I still don’t think I fit in though. What’s disappointing, is that I’m not exactly in love with my beverage of choice. This is not a hit on the coffee shop that I am at, but against my taste buds that are used to drinking sugar-free.

If you read my last blog N O T | A F R A I D, then you would understand when I say how unusual this is for me to step out of my Starbucks atmosphere and go somewhere else.

But as I sit here contemplating if I should even stay because it’s such a beautiful day and I can here my hammock calling my name, the Lord reminded me of something truly beautiful and amazing.

If you know me personally, you know that the past month hasn’t exactly been the best thing in my life. That big-girl job that I talked about in my last post? Yeah, I lost it. But, please, I beg you, do not send sympathy my way. This was clearly the Lord’s doing. While I loved the type of work I was doing and the population I was serving, I struggled with the way problems and concerns were handled.

In fact, my mother, who just happens to know everything I think, had been telling me since day one to look for another job because of how stressed out I was. I wanted to try to wait it out, but Jesus was like “no Jenny, you deserve better.”

I will not talk about details of what happened, because that would take a very very long time. The agency I worked for is not a bad agency. It just had some kinks to work out, and unfortunately, while that was happening, I was not valued like I should have been.

I do not mean to sound prideful or anything by claiming that I am entitled or deserve anything, but I did except a position lower than what I had originally applied for, and therefore, I felt I was not being utilized to the full extent of my ability.

Any time I tried to bring up issues or confront other staff members, I always got backlash. But ya know, it’s okay. I’m no longer aching over it anymore and the great peace of the Lord is upon me.

I have learned so much from this experience. And it correlates from what I learned from the previous relationship I was in. Jesus wants me to know my value and worth.

In this previous relationship, I was definitely not treated the way I deserved to be. Again, I will not get into the details, but this relationship took a big emotional toll on my life. I thought God, why are you allowing me to go through something like this? Little did I consider that I had actually chosen that path for myself.

But do you want to know something beautiful about that? Jesus was right there waiting for me with open arms, desiring to just hold me and remind me of my worth and value. He did the same thing when I lost this job.

Jesus knows our value and worth. Jesus knows what we deserve. And Jeremiah 29.11 reminds us that Jesus has a plan for our lives.

Yes, I admit, that in the process of searching for jobs, going to interviews, and basically just waiting, it has been incredibly hard to trust that God is not only hearing my cries, but has that plan in place for me.

So many of my peers and mentors remind me that the job will come in Jesus’ time. The right guy will come in Jesus’ time. Everything will come in Jesus’ time. Not mine. Let me repeat that… NOT MINE.

At first, I had a little bit of fear about that. Why? Because that meant I was not in control of my own life. That meant that I had basically no say in what I was supposed to do. But that’s where trust comes in.

Psalm 37.4 says , “Delight yourself in the Lordand he will give you the desires of your heart.” That means we have to seek God, and trust that He knows our desires. Trust is the key word here fellow reader. Oh don’t worry, I am preaching to the choir. 

As I continued to express my doubt to those at the Bible study I attend every week, one guy reminded me to “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all else will be added unto you,” Matthew 6.33.

And the more I dwell on that verse, or even chapter, the more I want that. I want to see the Kingdom of Jesus. I want to do His work. I want to be of my Father’s business. I want to serve the Worthy King. And the first step to doing that is to seek Jesus and His Kingdom.

I have to lay my own expectations down to Him. I have to push away my doubts and the voices of the enemy saying He has abandoned me and left me. I have to seek and delight myself in the Lord.

Now, I’m sure you can tell by the title that this is not a blog about seeking and delighting in Jesus. This is the point I am trying to make in all of this:

JESUS KNOWS YOUR WORTH AND HAS A PLAN FOR YOU.

To the girl that is reading this who is in an abusive relationship, Jesus thinks you are worthy.

To the employee at the agency that doesn’t value the work you do, Jesus thinks you are worthy.

To the guy that is trying so hard to impress his boss (or maybe the new girl at church), Jesus thinks you are worthy.

To the teen that is on the brink of suicide or running away, Jesus thinks you are worthy.

Our King, King Jesus, knows your name. He knows your heart’s desires, and He wants good things for you. Our Heavenly Father, loves you like no one else can (sorry Mom, but Jesus has you beat here).

It absolutely blows my mind that Jesus thinks we are so worthy that he died for us. He cares so deeply for us, His children that He does things for us that may seem hurtful in the beginning (like take away a job), but always has a plan to replace it with something beautifully orchestrated by His hands. Like the story of Job. . . I’ll let you look that one up.

The last point I want to make is about Jesus’ deep affection for us. Jesus loves us so much it’s unfathomable. Again, He loves us so much that He died and defeated death itself just so we can be with Him forever in Heaven. Wow. He not only thinks we are worthy, but also loves us unconditionally, meaning, we do not have to “do anything,” for Him to love us.

Now, this wouldn’t be a true blog about how Jesus thinks we are worthy if I did not mention how Worthy Jesus is of our love and trust in return.  His name, His being, everything about Him is worthy. And to think that someone that Worthy, a King, in fact, loves us so deeply and thinks we are worthy enough to be called His children gives me goosebumps.

Friends, please remember this no matter what heavy task is in front of you, Jesus has not forgotten about you. Jesus thinks you are worthy. Jesus loves you more than you will ever know. Seek Him friend. Seek Him first before anything else in your life.

N O T | A F R A I D

I cannot stress enough how much I enjoy sitting in Starbucks. Whether it is reading, meeting up with an old friend, blogging, or cranking out some school work, this girl is OBSESSED with the atmosphere.

Yes, I have tried other coffee shops. Occasionally I will entertain the thought of a local coffee shop and support the small business, and don’t get me wrong, supporting small businesses is what I’m all about…

But they are always crowded with the same hipster crowd and there are never enough tables next to outlets forcing me to leave after my laptop dies and interrupting a state of productivity that once I am distracted from I will most definitely not ever get back until I have driven around the whole city twelve times, got something to eat, and walked into three different stores for small purchases like cinnamon or a novel that most definitely could have waited until after my paper was written.

action-asphalt-auto-6147Or sometimes these local coffee shops are in locations that are not accessible to someone with social anxiety. I mean, I’m a country girl, parking on the street ain’t no small thing for me. So, I spend my allotted coffee shop hours hermiting in many different Starbucks locations.

No, the baristas do not know my name and order by heart, just want you to know that I don’t go that often. I just don’t want to spoil the experience. It’s like that time when I went to school five minutes from Chipotle and ate it so much I got tired of it. Yeah, that horrific season of my life ended, but c’mon I can’t live without my coffee!!

Today as I sit here and blabber on and on about my deep affection for the world’s largest coffee shop that many would not even classify as a coffee shop, I am so intrigued by the population dwelling here with me.

You have the creeper dude in the corner (yes I just made eye contact with him) that I have seen at other Starbucks locations too. There is the important business man speaking through his apple headphones on a business call, but because he is using his apple headphones and not Air Pods, I am guessing that his business is a startup.

There’s the diligent college students/hipsters/young adult population doing whatever 1527186071.grees_gollum_vodo_mensithey do to occupy their time, more businessmen meeting to discuss a proposal that will score a raise from the big man back at the office, and what I like to call “the passer-buyers”- they come in and get their coffee for some odd reason because the drive thru is not promising enough that they will get their precious coffee (I’m picturing Gollum from the Lord of The Rings here). 

I got up to use the latrine because that’s what coffee does to poor souls like mine and there was a really sweet lady waiting in front of me that complimented me on my hair. We got to talking and from just a small conversation, she learned that I am a traveler and have large ambitions. Little did she know that I haven’t talked about traveling in a really long time (maybe a few months or so).

This is because I have accepted a position, a big-girl job, and know that I will not be doing any long-term traveling for quite some time. But ya know what I noticed in that conversation? I was not afraid to talk to her about my past experiences and future hopes and goals of traveling anymore. I was ready to have the conversation, use my voice, and I allowed myself to dream again.

Recently I have been limiting my goals and dreams because of the fear of not having enough money, not being successful, not being used in a manor according to the skills I have gotten from my education, and the list goes on and on and on.

adventure-blur-close-up-346885I didn’t just put my desire to travel on hold, I completely removed the potential and vision from my life. I narrow-minded my thinking and basically put God in a box. But in this conversation with this lovely woman, I learned that this desire is still quite strong in me. And just like I believe I have the desire to be married and be a social worker because God has put that there, I also believe that He has put the desire in me to travel and see His glorious creation.

When God turns our path a different direction from what we expected (or even what we have planned), that doesn’t necessarily mean He is saying we can’t experience those certain things on that path, it just means God has a beautiful plan in allowing us to have those experiences.

And we can trust that even if we don’t get that desire, then it was not truly aligned with the Lord. The very fact we followed God down the less desirable path that wasn’t part of our plans, and from our viewpoint looks like we will never be able to receive the things we desire proves to God He can trust us.

Luke 16.10 states, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”

Can God trust you with the little right now?

My friend, if you are feeling the same way… maybe you are waiting of that special someone to come into your life, maybe you want to change careers, have a child, make a big move, write a book, etc. -whatever it is you feel like God is keeping from you, even though you believe God has placed that desire in you, God is preparing you for that very thing, or in some cases, He is preparing you for something better!

I’m going to use the example of a recent breakup. I remember crying and being so angry about it and my mom, good ole’ faithful Mommy (no Mom I am not saying you are old), sat on my bed and reminded me that it just means God has someone better for me. Yes, it is cheesy, but whether it’s Cheddar or Swiss, that cheesy quote is good! (or should I say Gouda!)

Sometimes God has more teaching and things for us to learn before we can be handed the great desire in us. Bu ya know what, that doesn’t mean we need to fear that we will never ever in a million years receive that desire. Friend, scripture tells us that there is no fear in love and that perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4.18).

Jesus is not withholding this one thing from you because He is bitter, angry, or punishing you, for these things are contrary to who Jesus is, but He is doing it out of love! Embrace that! Soak it in! Live in that love! Why? Because that alone will remove your fears!

We can stand confidently in the will that God has for us, knowing that He will not leave us, nor forsake us (Hebrews 13.5), that He has a plan to prosper us and not harm us (Jeremiah 29.11-13), and He does not withhold any good thing from us (Psalm 84.11).

Paul reminds us that Jesus wants us not let ourselves be troubled and anxious but to submit our requests to Him with thanksgiving (Philippians 4.6-7). We are called to “be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain,” (1 Corinthians 15.58).

Friends, we are more vulnerable to the enemy when we begin to think Jesus is withholding something from us because of punishment or anger. That allows the enemy to attempt to put a foothold in our life.

And ya know what, over and over and over in scripture we can see how God worked His promises (personal and communal) to come to be in many lives! Sarah wanted a child, but had to wait, the Israelites wanted out of the wilderness, Job wanted the pain and suffering to be removed from him, Jonah wanted out of the whale, Ruth wanted a husband, Paul wanted a thorn removed from his flesh.

And while these things did not happen right away, the Lord orchestrated events with perfection to give them what they desired. So whether you are waiting on the news that the cancer is gone, or that you are going to be a parent, you can trust God and not be afraid that He has forgotten about you.

This song came up on my Pandora playlist while I was sitting here in Starbucks and it was the most amazing reminder that God is in control and we do not need to be afraid anymore because HE has won the battle. He is leading and guiding us! Take some time to get with God today and thank Him for this current season of growing and waiting!

I’m Falling Into A Routine And I Think I Like It

So here we go again. It is exactly one week since I blogged last. I definitely promised myself that I would try to blog twice this week. I don’t even think I was that busy… just lazy. Watching Gilmore Girls seemed more intriguing than writing I guess. Yep, you’re right, that’s something I need to work on.

There are a few things I noticed this week actually that I think are worth blogging about. Have you ever gotten into a routine? Even if it’s on accident. But just because it’s on accident doesn’t mean it has to be a bad thing.

As of now, I accidentally stumbled into this grocery shop, meal prep, blog and Netflix routine on Sundays. It’s not such a bad thing. But here is what I noticed about routines… sometimes we get so caught up in the routine that we don’t take the time to notice what’s actually going on in the world.

I was sitting I my favorite place, Starbucks, reading a book about human trafficking. The guy who took my order seemed to be in another world and the barista took a very long time to make my skinny vanilla iced latte. The girl in line behind me was wearing leggings and a long sleeved t-shirt with her hair tied back in a messy ponytail. She looked like she had just left the gym or something. Definitely a college student.

I sat down at one of the “comfy” chairs and pulled out my book. Two kids came in and sat at the two comfy chairs closest to the window to the parking lot. The younger one took his coat off and sat back in the seat while the other one stared out the window waiting for someone. Sooner than later a gentleman with long hair in a ponytail walked in and the kids ran to him. He went to the counter to order and while he was waiting he peeked behind the corner at me and the other chairs.

I think he saw the title of my book  (“Domestic Minor Sex Trafficking”) and sat far from adult-black-and-white-body-271418where the kids could see it. I put the book down in my lap just in case. Then, a middle-aged man came in very swiftly and went directly to the outlet next to me. He plugged in his phone and went to order. Ten minutes later he came back with a breakfast sandwich and a coffee and gobbled it up as quick as he could. He sat there scrolling through his phone for a moment and then hurried up and gathered his phone charger and left.

On my way out a gentleman held the door open for me. We awkwardly headed in the same direction in the parking lot. But what made it more awkward was that he stopped at a car with the driver door wide open and said “oh sorry, this is me.” I didn’t know if he had left it open on purpose or not, so I chuckled and said, “it happens,” and went straight to my car. Poor guy was probably embarrassed.

Do these people know though? Do they know of the injustice of trafficking taking place across the globe and even in our own backyard? Do they know Jesus?

I mean, this isn’t an “it happens” kind of thing. But I’m afraid to think that those who are caught up in their routines actually believe that. Or maybe they are in denial that this kind of thing happens here in their own backyard.

It’s so heartbreaking to see that people go about their daily lives and don’t know these things.

I guess I am feeling convicted in getting caught up in a routine because I don’t ever want to be unaware of injustices happening. I want to be aware so that I can pray and do my part as a social worker/follower of Christ in spreading the Good News that even though these injustices are happening, there is still a GOOD GOD that cares deeply for victims and you and me.

Maybe this means that instead of saying “it happens” I should mention something about an injustice happening. Like, “hey did you hear about the latest statistics on human trafficking in Ohio?” OR “do you know the facts about Refugees?”

These are things I am passionate about. These are things Jesus is passionate about.

I like the way the Psalmist puts it in Psalms 9.7, “But the Lord sits enthroned forever; he has established his throne for justice.” 

Jesus sits on the throne forever. He has establised it for justice. I also love the way the big man Himself puts it in Luke 4.18-19 when He is rejected at Nazareth.

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
and recovering of sight to the blind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.

Yes, yes, yes, and even more yes!!! Thank you Jesus for paving the way in being passionate about social injustices!

So with all of that being said, I think something I want to personally work on, and something I would challenge you to personally work on, is sharing the heart of Jesus about injustices with complete strangers.

Instead of just having a small talk conversation about buying goat cheese and mini muffins with the person behind you at the grocery store and then leaving in the abyss of people and going off into your own separate life, maybe talk about how some people don’t even have access to mini muffins, or even deeper, how some families cannot afford it and therefore they sell their children in various ways to make quick cash.

Jesus does not call us to be silent. Join me in this challenge, friend.