Not-So Knew Year

So here we are. Officially 20 days into 2019. I would like to think that I jumped into this new year like a kid jumping into a pile of leaves, excited and happy to be doing it. But I actually feel more like I did when I was a teenager and my older cousin pushed me into the freezing cold pool when I wasn’t quite ready to get in yet.

It’s not that I wasn’t ready to let 2018 go, but there were so many things that happened this past year that I just don’t know how to begin to process. Unfortunately, it’s things that I can’t even write about to process. I need time. But 2019 just came barging in like a rude neighbor ready to become friends and get to know each other over a burnt casserole.

Thus, either I respond respectfully to the efforts of making friendship with the new year, or I live here being stuck up because the casserole was burnt and a neighbor that most definitely won’t move.

You know how everyone is always like “new year, new me,” or always talking about how excited they are for the things to come in the new year? Well, here’s my argument, what if I don’t want a “new me,” but would rather have a slightly better, more composed, graceful, sweeter me? Okay so I won’t dream too much about being graceful…

Also, what happens when you don’t really know what is to come in the new year and you’re just settling in that pit of anxiousness? I’m not talking about the anxiousness you get when you’re on a roller coaster, no because I quite enjoy those and that adrenaline rush. I’m talking the full-blown, feeling of what-the-heck-am-I-going-to-do-this-year?

Maybe it’s a new form of anticipation I should be welcoming in, but maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s my fears of not knowing that are causing me to not be ready for this new year. When I think to my past, all the new years that I have lived through, yep, all 22 of them, I always knew what to expect.

2018 was a painfully good year for me. I say that because I lived most of the year in a country I loved, but the fact that I’m not living there now hurts. I got into a relationship where I learned that I needed to let go and move on for my own good. I graduated from college, got a full-time job, started my master’s degree, and purchased my first car.

A lot of it was bitter sweet, but I let my heart get so attached to it. The kind of attached a child gets to a toy or blanket. When I was kid I had this Teletubbie pillow and Winnie the Pooh blanket and I would not go anywhere without those things! that’s how I feel about 2018.

The memories, the goals achieved, the future plans that didn’t work out, they are all things that I don’t want to go anywhere without, including 2019. I guess I’m that child that still has the baby blankey at the first sleepover when everyone else matured out of that stage.

If you can relate in any way, shape, or form, I just want to tell you that it’s okay. In this day and age there is so much pressure to have everything figured out. But let me be the first to tell you that it’s okay to not.

If you’ve known me for any period of time, you know that this is so unlike me. You know that I usually have a five year plan marked with specific dates and all. But not this time. Sure, I have options and general ideas of what I want to do, or what God has planned for me, but nothing set in stone.

While at first this was a very freeing thing for me, it has started to consume me. It’s like it’s taking up my time because I’m trying so hard to figure out what I’m supposed to do this year that I forget about the things I am already doing.

Fortunately, Jesus reminds me that it’s okay to not know what’s next, but that He is guiding me every step of the way. Maybe I’m not supposed to know exactly what’s in store for this year, but I least I can know for a fact that there is something great and exciting waiting for me. I only have to trust God on His timing.

I believe this for you too. So, my fellow blog reader, we might be 20 days late and a few dollars short, but let’s jump into 2019 with the expectation that God has something beautiful for us and we don’t have to know what it is.

The Master Recipe

A few weeks ago I went to this cute café called Twisty Tails with some friends. At this place you can order food and play with doggies! Pretty cool right?! (especially when most of the dogs in India have rabies and other diseases so you can’t pet them!)

As I dove into the chicken tikka pizza that my best friend and I split, I realized something I had never paid any attention to before…

In this culture, it is the most normal thing to put ketchup on your pizza. In fact, I evenIMG_1165 started doing this. But on this particular occasion, I realized that the reason the pizza needs more tomato sauce is because there is none on it.

If you order pizza in the Western World, you will look forward to seeing the bright red pizza sauce peeking between the cheese and other layers of toppings. There’s no question about whether there will be pizza sauce (tomato-based sauce) on the pizza. I guess our problem in the Western World is that we drown our deliciousness in Ranch dressing…

Anyways, as we continued to dip our pizza in the ketchup, I also was taken aback by how many other extra things we had to add to it.. chili flakes, oregano, more ketchup… It’s almost as if the pizza was not “up to par” and we have to keep adding things to it so that it meets our standards.

My heart goes out to the poor chef that made this pizza… I hope he isn’t offended that we all thought it needed a little more just to satisfy our hunger.

It just made me think of how the Word of God is our spiritual food.

The apostle John records Jesus sharing this basic fact to the crowd of people that witness Him walking on water in chapter 6. Jesus says:

“I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” (John 6.35)

Because Jesus was the Word that became flesh, we can make the inference that the Word is our spiritual food (John 1.14)

Unlike the pizza I ate, the Word does not need anything added to it to make it more satisfying. The Word and the Word alone is enough to quench our spiritual hunger and thirst, no ketchup necessary!

It’s like Jesus is this Master Chef that cooked up this unfathomable recipe. Not a single person can do better than it. Nothing is needed to improve it… no salt, no pepper, no sugar, no ranch. There is no water other than the Living Water. The water of eternal life:

Jesus answered, ‘Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.'” (John 4.13-14)

It’s actual pretty stress relieving. To know that there is and always will be this food that I can rely on to satisfy me is just unthinkable. It’s not like wondering if you want Chinese or Mexican, a milkshake or a soft drink. It’s do I want some Old Testament or New Testament? or am I in the mood for some major prophets, Gospels, or letters of Paul? 

I am so happy that I do not have to worry about adding spices to make this more satisfying and hunger quenching because, man, I really don’t know my spices!

Jesus says: Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. (John 6.53-57)

IMG_1270Tonight I went to another cafe and I had another reminder of this when I ordered my cappuccino. I took one sip and it was bitter as all get out. Luckily, the nice served had brought me a little boat of sugar.

In order for me to drink my cappuccino and enjoy it, I had to add something to it. How glorious to know that we do not need to add a spoonful of anything to God’s Word.